ninja still

guess who's back? me, to the blogging world...i don't get around to this blogging thing very much...i am convinced that I have a blog to infrequently make posts only to check them much later probably being the only one to have read it (pathetic knowing the fact that i'm the writer) to confirm my status as a loser....yeah..........i'm awesome.

so.....hey DB...you rule..hang in there bro...your life isn't totally terrible ;)

-peace, love, & adventure

...

I'm back. from Alaska. It.was.awesome.
...so tiring.so stressful. so chaotic. so fun.
...too many experiences and subjects to write about.

I'm back in graduate school for hopefully my last year--I'll have my MBA in May '09 -- if i can survive 3 grad classes per semester (gross) on top of running intramurals as the graduate assistant IM director.

I'm homeless. I have no place to live in Clinton. And I need to be in Clinton pretty much every day of the week.

I've got other problems with the heart and mind too.

Suffice to say I need help.

Sometimes I feel a lack of direction or guidance in my life. I always desire clarity from the Lord, but can't seem to find it. I sometimes feel like I can't find the right groove to continually honor and glorify God.

In spite of the above... I know God loves me. I love Him. I do my best to obey and live according to the spirit (not of the flesh)... but it still seems I am missing something or not doing something exactly correct... whatever.. I'm sure my thinking/typing is even flawed.
*****
Thank You, Lord, for even being the God over my uncertainty. Give me peace and knowledge of your will and the strength to accept it and live it out.
*****
(It's so hot & humid in MS -- back in the good old south.)

Skagway, AK

I'm in Skagway, AK...wondering if anyone reads my blog. I'm lame. Bye.

Bored

I'm bored in Alaska. Believe it. I'm sitting in Anchorage until my next tour on June 6. Bummer. I'm ready to go out on tour NOW! And I want to parallel someone cool---someone that knows what they are doing so they can help me out.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Crazy Alaska

So I'm in Alaska. I had two full weeks of intense crazy awesome training all over the Yukon and Alaska. Then I trained for a couple days in Homer --bald eagles everywhere. Then I went on my first tour from Skagway to Whitehorse to Dawson City to Tok to Fairbanks to Denali to Anchorage. I just finished my first tour and have a few days until I start my next tour. It is crazy awesome. I love it so far and I especially love the people/other tour directors.

There is no way I could have lasted without the strength of the Lord these past few weeks. He has been so in control of my circumstances and protected me since I have been here. It is a challenging environment that tests not only your obedience to the Lord but many aspects of life. I seek much strength and wisdom from the Lord--I need it in order to live in accordance with His will; there is no way I can please Him without it.

Praise God for He is good.

4/10/08

Today is Thursday, April 10, 2008. It is 1:27 p.m. and counting. I am in my office at the zoo. I have McDonalds on my other desk that I'm eating right now. Lame... It is 1:29 p.m. Today is my next to last day at the zoo. If you are stupid...tomorrow (Friday, April 11, 2008) is my last day as Special Events Coordinator at the Jackson Zoo. I have resigned and have taken a seasonal job in Alaska this summer as a Tour Director for Holland America. It is 1:30 p.m. Tonight I have a Business Law & Ethics test in my graduate program. I am currently unprepared. I am very tired. I need sleep. It is 1:31 p.m.

-Later (1:32 p.m. - my computer & my phone are how I keep track of time...this internet site has a different time as indicated when posted- 1:33 p.m.)

Inadequacy is overwhelmed by the Lord.

I am mostly inadequate as a human being. I am reminded of that often in my shortcomings in life. I have many of those. I especially realize it when there is something I desire, but I can't obtain it. When I do obtain something I want, I can typically credit it to the Lord because it's obvious I'm not capable of acquiring it on my own as to credit my own adequacy. However, I do not presume the Lord is to blame when I do not receive what I desire. I can typically thank the Lord in those circumstances as well knowing that He has the best plan for my life.

I love the Lord. There are many things I desire right now. I trust the Lord to satisfy the desires of my heart. His will is adequate.

Zoo Radio Talk

Almost every zoo employee (keepers & staff) have radios. We use these to communicate to each other throughout the day while we are throughout the zoo. I use my radio much more when I'm out of the office--particularly on event days. Every one has a radio number. Mine is 701. FYI: there are 3 areas of the zoo - different keepers work in different areas of the zoo looking over/caring for specific animals in that area.
These are conversations I hear over the radio:
_____________________________________________

100: 100 to Area 3

231: This is 231, Go ahead.

100: Are the cougars on display?

231: Yes, both girls are out. They may be hiding along the back wall.

100: They're doing a very good job.
__________________________________________________

220: 224 what's your location?

224: (radio static)****ffe barn.

220: Could you repeat that? I didn't copy.

224: The Giraffe Barn.

220: 10-4
__________________________________________________
211: 211 to 232.
(pause)
211: 211 to 232.

232: *radio static*

211: What is your location?

232: At Jewels, getting ready to head up the hill.

211: 10-4.
__________________________________________________
After having a visitor come to the office and report that they think one of the chimpanzees was dead.

Base: Base to Area 1, we had a visitor report that something looks unusual with one of the chimps.

203: This is 203. I'm on my way to check it out right now.

Base: 10-4.

234: This is 234. I'm headed down there too.
(couple minutes later)
203: 203 to Base. Everything is fine. Susie (the chimp) was just laying out in the sun sleeping. She is up and moving around now.

Base: 10-4.

*visitors always think an animal is dead when it's sleeping.

Don't bother reading this...

There's two pieces left and three men standing
Staring down the other two.
All are hungry, all are demanding
they need one piece more than you.

You have leverage.
So you make your spat.
"The other two don't need more food
because they are already fat."

You are skinny. You are hungry.
You must feast in spite of two.
For others that hunger don't know
That they aren't as hungry as you.

You step forward, grab a piece
And boldly shove it in.
Chewing up the only food
that is left in the kicthen.

Bad move. You're dead meat.
You just ate a bomb.
Bad move. You're dead meat.
BOOM goes the bomb.

Splatter-splat. You're everywhere.
As gross as it can be.
Brains, bones, & flesh
Are melting all over me.

Bloody hell, I just bought this shirt
You selfish hungry bastard.
You ate a bomb and now your dead
And my shirt is dead-you plastered.

The kitchen is covered in blood & guts
I'm not cleaning this up.
I'll just eat the last piece
because I'd rather just blow up.

Bad move. I'm dead meat.
I just ate a bomb.
Bad move. I'm dead meat.
BOOM goes the bomb.

No pieces left and one man standing
Staring at no friends or food.
He is hungry but also lonely
for both friends & food went "BOOM."

He writes a note and hangs himself.
He hangs dead from a tree.
The note he wrote simply says,
"Don't waste your time on me."


seriously...why did you read all of that?... it made no sense and probably just leaves you thinking now that I'm a freak... what's new pussy-cat? Whoah woah wooah.

the title warned you. you sucka. you fool. you foolish sucka.

(I'm more normal than I let on.)

Hello?

Sometimes I wonder if anyone reads this. Regardless it happens to be an excellent way for me to occupy a few minutes of my time when I get bored or want to take a break from whatever I’m doing. I suspect a few people glance over this casually every once in a while. It doesn’t matter though.

Is anyone out there…there…there ?! …Hello…Hello…Hello ?!

Whatever.

__________________________________________________________________
I would love to have the ability to teleport…especially with the exception that I could teleport things with me such as luggage, people, etc. – basically whatever I touch.
I would also love to be able to move/control things with my mind – Telekinesis – even better if I could teleport & make teleport whatever I want or think of as well – combination of the two powers – like I could teleport you somewhere without teleporting myself. (Of course don’t forget to include the application of reality to these theories/hopes/dreams of super power/abilities…see this post below.)

social disaster

I don't do so well in front of new or relatively new (to me--not babies) people. I shut down or go into hibernate mode or just dial down to a low key...and sometimes I go overboard and dial in too much to a frequency that is way overly high key that just doesn't resonate with people. With the new/relatively new people though its usually a dial down (occasionally the dial up). Neither way ever works out for the best. I don't know what it is. I hate it...but I can't help it. Especially if I perceive the new/relatively new people as "cool"...then I'm even more prone to dial in the wrong direction. This sucks...and with this type of social disaster happening everytime I'm around the new people, I don't really have much hope. I potentially hinder any possible frienships...yada yada yada....potentially damage my credibility as a human/person. Haha.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydpb3wMBVCg - nothing to do with anything really)

Whatever.

I don't care. I will break free. I'm pretty much awesome regardless....jk....

seriously though...i'm cool...talk to me.

Lord, I pray

Lord...............................................................I can't find words.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. " - Psalm 139:23-24

who's real? what's the(ir) use?

All the people around me seem to love but only shallowly. No one seems to really care. They love me which makes me feel good at the moment while I'm around their shallow love, but it's fleeting. That doesn't satisfy me. What's the use in having something that doesn't allow me to feel the same acceptance all day long? Why don't those people really make an effort to dig and see what makes up the surface they love? Is that as interesting as I am? Is that all that I'm worth? Is there nothing lovable in the depths of me? I try to do the same. I try to really care. I want to love deep...but I'm sure people could say the same of me...but if they point that hypocritical resemblance out, then it's a conditional response...a shallow reaction. I want the love that is unconditional. I want to love unconditionally.

Let's see what happens.

friends, rain, and a hopeless heart

I love my friends. I love hanging out with them, and I wish that was all I had to do or could do. I miss the ones that I don't see much anymore. I need more time and more money.

It's raining outside. I wish it would flood the entire city of Jackson.

I have no idea where I'm going in life. I'm directionless. It seems every aspect of my life from the smallest to the greatest is swarmed with confusion, blurred with indecision, choked by lack of vision, countered by opposition, deafened by distraction, detached from satisfaction, and stifled by civilization. ...The only thing I can identify as resolute is bread and wine--the body of Christ and the blood of Jesus--the only veritable source of comfort and security. In which, I will wait for a hope and a future.

Bored

So I have never done one of these and always thought they were stupid...but whatever. I'm bored.

Do you have any pets?
No :(
What was the last book you read?
The Bible Answer Book, The Bible, No More Christian Nice Guy...I'm not big on (leisurely/just for fun-pleasure) reading.
Do you like to cook?
Yes
What's your favorite food?
Steak or roast beef po'boys or pizza or everything
Are you good at cooking/swimming/etc?
cooking/swimming/etc? - what kind of category is that? -- yes?
Are you married or single?
facebook = married (love you Cam); real life = single
Do you have brothers and sisters?
yes - 2 sisters, one brother - & then the in-laws -1 sis-n-law, 1 bro-n-law
Are they older or younger than you?
Older -youngest of 4 - Trent, Kathryn, Elizabeth, & the miracle
Do you like baseball?
eh..it's ok. not to watch on tv - going to a game can be fun - playing it is better
Do you live alone?
no - three other people on the premises
Do you live in a house or an apartment?
house - the Alum house
Have you ever lived in another country?
No
Have you ever met a famous person?
How famous? - probably not
How do you spend your free time?
usually hanging with friends, sometimes alone in the dark, or making videos, or sports...whatever
How long have you been studying English?
? since I turned 18 ...or forever. I've mastered it.
How old are you?
22
How tall are you?
6'2"
Tell me about a favorite event of your adulthood.
when did I become an adult?
Tell me about a favorite event of your childhood.
when I killed Bobby and buried him the backyard
What are your hobbies?
basketball, snowboarding/skiing, hiking, camping, watching movies, making videos, killing, burglary, hopscotch
What two things could you not do when you were.....?
?? um... I couldn't breathe until I was born...&...I couldn't write when I broke my right arm in the 2nd (or maybe 3rd?) grade.
What countries have you visited?
America...a lot, Canada, Mexico...does Puerto Rico count?
What country are you from?
Mississippi delta country (USA)
What do you do on Sundays?
The Link - FBCJ - after church..lunch..then whatever.
What do you do? What's your job?
Special Events Coordinator at the Jackson Zoo - plan/coordinate special & private events - sometimes ride the tigers around like He-Man screaming "d@mn you, Skeletor!"
What do you like to do in your free time?
torture people - how is this question different from "How do you spend your free time?"
What hobbies do you have?
wtf... stop repeating questions - see above
What is the nearest bus stop or train station to your house?
who cares
What is your motto?
people have mottos? - "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose." or "Live for something or die for nothing." or golden rule - "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." or ...?
What is your religion? (Perhaps not a good question in some situations.)
religion turns movements into monuments --- true Christianity - Jesus Christ is Lord
What kind of food do you like?
really? no short-term memory? see above
What kind of people do you like?
fat ugly ones...haha.. jk - any kinds - i love people.
What kind of people do you not like?
fat ugly ones...jk - invisible people
What languages do you speak?
english... some spanish, but not really
What two things could you not do when you were a child, but you can do now?
?...can/could buy tobacco and booze..ha.. drive vehicles... i don't know
What's something you do well?
murder ...haha. jk... ..nothing?.. not good at a lot of stuff - decent at some things maybe
What's your address?
...wow. creepy. 555 Invisible Street
What's your father like?
awesome
What's your mother like?
awesome
What's your name?
Danger
What's your phone number?
weird...
What's your telephone number?
as opposed to my phone number?
When did you start to study English?
again? i'm doing the wrong set of questions
Where are you from?
the delta
Where do you live?
earth
Where do you live? How long have you lived there?
still earth... 22 years + some months and days
Where were you born?
a hospital
Which sports do you like?
basketball, soccer...& then all of them
Who do you live with?
friends - Beas, Med, Ben
Who do you respect the most?
my dad, mikey B., Wes M.
Who has had the most influence in your life?
Jesus.... dad, friends, me
Why did you decide to take this course?
....?....i'm definitely taking the wrong questionnaire
Why do you want to learn English?
haha... i'm an idiot.
Would you like to be famous?
sure
What do you think you will be doing five years from now?
being awesome...still.
Where do you think you'll be living five years from now?
who knows...?
What is your goal in life?
continue to be awesome....and to live a fulfilling life in Christ
Are you a 'morning' or 'night' person?
night
When do you feel best? In the morning, afternoon, or evening?
evening
How many cities have you lived in?
four
What jobs have you done?
Big D (irrigation labor), Millbrook (cricket farm labor), Fleet Saftey (Install labor-police/patrol vehicles, fire/patrol vehicles, security vehicles), Intramural Director, Zoo
Which do you prefer, sunrises or sunsets?
either...both are nice.
What could you do as a child that you can't do now?
fit through smaller holes, care less, have my mom wash my clothes
Who is your next door neighbor in your home country?
some crazy crazy weird crazy lady
What is he or she like?
crazy....yeah..that's all I need to say..just crazy weird
Did you get along with each other?
with my neighbor?...sure, except I'm not crazy...whatever
What is the best memory of our country that you will take back home with you?
why am I still taking such a stupid random questionnaire ?
What is the worst memory of our country?
...because I'm an idiot and I have wasted this much time on it and come this far, so...yeah.
How many times did you move as a child?
none..well once.. i was 3 yrs old & it was a move within the same town, so it didn't matter.
Are you a task oriented person or a people oriented person?
?....................both.
What is the profile of the wife/husband you would meet?
what's going on?
What kind of woman/man would you like to marry?
An awesome woman - loves Jesus - loves me... whatever.

Explanation

Time for an explanation of the title of my blog. ("Tales of a Ninja - A Prison for your Mind") It's pretty simple if you haven't already gotten it or even thought about it.

"Tales of a Ninja" should be plain and not require much explanation at all. Most know my history of affinity for ninjas. I am a Ninja. These are my stories/tales. (Enjoy.)

"A Prison for your Mind" is a reference to what this blog is to readers and to me as well. My interpretation of this statement doesn't have to be entirely accurate for me to include it in my title or to like it. This title phrase illudes to the Matrix. It is a phrase used in the movie "The Matrix" in describing what the matrix is. (If you have never seen "The Matrix", then you have no business reading this post or blog for that matter.) "The Matrix" is one of my favorite movies. In a sense we are slaves to the internet. The internet is an invaluable source that the world relies on. The internet will continue on forever (until the world ends). We are slaves/prisoners to the reality it provides. My blog is but one element of the internet but is still included and trapped in its reality. It's also something that is intangible. It is no more tangible than the hardware we use to access it and no more tangible than the matrix itself. It's intangibility only makes it more of an entrapment for the mind. I could go on and elaborate and be more in depth, but I'm sure you get what I'm getting at; besides I don't feel like going any further.

Why would I not inlcude (elements of) something I enjoy in my title of my blog?

-"Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you." - Neo - last line of "The Matrix"

powers

I wish I had a super power. Flying. Teleporting. Control of an element (or elements). Etc. I'd take anything. How awesome would it be to do something that no one else in the world (or the majority) could do or thought possible to do? (I assume if it were possible, but improbable, for me to have a super power then there would be a select few scattered around the globe that would have a power as well.) In order to think about it in realistic terms (or to bring it as close to reality as I can), I have always thought about the energy or stamina it would take to practice the super ability. Flying for example: Do you just assume that whoever can actually fly, can fly at the speed of light or faster effortlessly and totally in control? Doubt it. People have trouble controlling a vehicle at speeds over 100mph and they are focusing on driving and staying in control when going that fast. They are not effortlessly cruising at 120mph while talking on the phone, surfing the radio stations, or thinking about what they are going to do that weekend. If running makes people tired, I can only imagine how tiring flying would be. You are having to fight gravity the whole time (or at least manipulate it) in order to move above the earth in directions you choose. How fast would someone be able to fly? Some people can run extremely fast and others don't run fast at all. I imagine that some that have the ability to fly may be able to fly faster (or have the ability to manipulate gravity in their favor better) than others who would have that ability. Could you fly faster than you ran? If flying is like the next step up, then maybe you could fly faster than you ran, but it took more energy and was more of a work out. Walking, Running, Flying?

I would love to type more about super powers and my thoughts on them, but I've gotta "fly"/go. So maybe I'll publish a new post about it or edit this post later...or maybe I'll just leave it at this.

...fin?

people are lame

It's the little things that get to me. Unimportant circumstances, minor details, small mistakes. People look over these things. They don't care about them. They excuse these things. I can't do that. The small things, the "unimportant" details are important to me for some stupid reason. It's even worse when they are important to me, but everyone else I'm around could care less. So when I care about it or tend to focus on the small things, it's blown out of proportion to the careless people. From their point of view it makes me seem utterly ridiculous, irrational, overreactive. (Though I'm sure my point of view is sometimes just as limited, wrong, obscured, lacking, etc.) It's not that I ignore what "really" matters or focus on the small things where I lose sight of the big picture/idea. It's that I want the bigger matters to have nothing missing and to be as clearly defined as possible. That's what I'm into (usually). HDTV--it's so clear and awesome looking. It makes regular cable look blurry when you actually see the comparison. HDTV is made so clear because they add more detail--they add more lines of pixels--for more lines to fit on the same size tv, they have to be smaller which allows there to be a clearer picture. They don't take away the small details, they focus on them and add to the small things in order to make the bigger picture more clear. Not all things have to matter or be important or need to be focused on or scrutinized. Some things I'm sure shouldn't matter. I'm just saying--people tend to be lame (from my point of view of course) when it comes to looking at the big matters of situations without figuring out or considering what small details have affected it.

Details.Details.Details. Yet specifics are not included in any of the above.
Go figure.

-DB

P.S. Somebody (which I know who and shall not mention) kept driving by our house last night between the hour of 1:00a.m. - 2:00a.m. These drive-bys included incessant honking which forbade me sleep. I.was.pissed. I'm sure they thought it was a funny idea and had a good time doing it--but that's just there point of view. The first occurance denied my entry into my nightly coma. If I had fallen all the way asleep, it would not have woken me, but they disturbed me (deeply). Since I was so close to gone, it took a long time for me to come back to, but they honked a lot and for a long time at first, which finally brought me back into reality with a fury. I hope--HOPE--they do it again. I will make it stop, and I will make them wish they had never done it in the first place. Bring it.

Fun & Injury

So after an awesome weekend at Resonate/DNOW with some friends and cool 8th grade guys and a little rest, I celebrated MLK day with a few friends. A yum yum lunch at Trace Grill, a little 3:10 to Yuma action in our home theater, some jam time and some chill time, and then some b-ball to top things off. Sadly though pleasure doesn't come without pain. Before we went and ate lunch I randomly decided to do a little free-style stall on a brick ledge at the Belhouse. It was in the kitchen and there is not a lot of room to maneuver, so it was going to be kind of a low-key, nonchalant, confined stall. Well unfortunately I had more ups in me at the moment than I realized and my feet went over the top edge where I was supposed to stall and my toes (pointed down) landed on the plateau of the brick hearth. This rendered my lower body helpless and stuck on the bricks while my upper body which had just been launched in the air then proceeded to abide by the laws of gravity and plummet back down towards the floor. Feet helplessly atop the bricks--my right arm caught on the table attempting to rip my shoulder out of socket and tear all the ligaments and tendons in my shoulder--it partially succeeded. The rest of my body (middle/torso, knees, head, shoulders) unsuspended by bricks or tables was free to fall the rest of the way down to the floor while eventually pulling my arm and feet down with them off of the traps above. This beautiful crash happened so quickly and unexpectingly. The immediate response of everyone (including me) was to laugh at my peril. Here is an amateur sketch of the scene.

Also Conan O'Brien has been accepting fans' ideas and sketches of diagrams about what to do in his Late Night Show. He has been showing the ideas on air and also been incorporating some of them into his zip line performances on the show. It has been hilarious. Here is my sketch that I sent in to conan@nbc.com. It would be awesome if they used it, but I'm sure they are swarmed with fans' ideas and emails.

Weekend + MLK day

I am helping FBCJ this weekend with their Resonate/DNOW. I am a small group/bible study leader, and I will have 9th grade boys. This weekend also leads to the national holiday this coming monday celebrating Martin Luther King, Jr. This holiday means I get Monday off of work which also means a longer weekend! I was planning for the past two weeks or so on going to Nashville this weekend with some friends and hang out there and see our friends Todd & Laura and others. I didn't realize until this past Sunday that it was the same weekend as DNOW which I had committed to at the end of last year (2007). So unfortunately I will not be able to go to Nashville this weekend. I am pretty bummed about this because sadly I have never been to Nashvegas, and I know several friends and cousins of mine that live there. Also the day after I found out I couldn't go, I found out that if I WERE able to go I could have been in MUTEMATH's next music video--the icing on the cake! MUTEMATH needs extras to be in their next music video for "Control" (I think). They are shooting in Nashville THIS Saturday, and I could have been there! All I would have had to do was send an email to the address they sent saying I was going to come be an extra. (MUTEMATH posted a bulletin about it to their MySpace fans.) They would have told me where to go, what time to show up to the studio, and the compensation I would receive. That would have been a freaking awesome weekend! Oh well. I'm going to be teaching 9th grade boys about Jesus and the importance of God's word. Haha. Bummer that I have to miss all of that, but I do enjoy DNOWs, and I'll say it how my beloved friend Mikey B. (youth minister in Cali who loves MUTEMATH as much as I do) said it: (paraphrasing) I'll pray the time spent at DNOW will have more enternal effect/value than a music video. Amen.

Perpetual Life

Today is the day that I continue to live. Today I continue breathing. I continue seeing. I continue hearing. I continue smelling. I continue sitting. I continue walking. I continue typing. I continue reading. I continue thinking. I continue to continue while things around me continue as well. I continue to think more and more that the word "continue" is an odd, funny-sounding word the more I type it and say it. I continue to exist. My truck continues to chug gasoline. Gravity continues to hold me down to the earth. I continue to wear clothes. The weather continues to change. I continue to want food. I continue to hang out with friends, have friends, make new friends. Friends continue to disappoint me, frustrate me, excite me, love me, despise me, etc. My body continues to always have something wrong with it. Things continue to begin and end.

I continue to type about nothing because I have nothing awesome to report in my first blog post...and so this begins and shall continue for life seems to be perpetual.

To be continued.